The grey world of big cities

I’m not a fan of big cities, but still I’m living in a capital area of Finland. I started my life here couple years ago, when my studies starded. I was quite excited then, hoping to find many like-minded friends and communities. People here are generally leftists and back then I though could find my place among then, because I was into environmental issues and saw myself as a humanist.

I realized quite quickly it wasn’t for me. I felt some kind of discust because of their constant complaining, unnecessary feelings of guilt and victimization. I also started to hate living in the city, so far from nature. Many people are so shallow here, I’m not sure they even exist as real persons. Maybe they could have some kind of personality or they can even practise some kind of spirituality, but it all depends of the current fashion. Not all people are like that, but unfortunetaly, many of them are.

And of course, there are just too many people. Every time I visit Helsinki, I feel horrible pressure in my head. I hate loud noices and I also hate busy people, who are running blindly like some kind of mad robots. I just don’t feel like I’m home here. I feel like I’m living in a some strange foreign country, among strange foreign people. And I’m trapped in my small ugly apartment. It passivates me. I also hate it how I always feel tired here, no matter how active I try to be.

Some people feel comfortable in big cities, but I believe it isn’t the right option for most people. Even though the capital area of Finland isn’t very polluted, it’s could still be pretty unhealthy to live here. People are not in touch with nature which causes allergies for example.  Many of them always use public trasport and hardly ever walk anywhere. That’s not how nature designed us to live. It’s even more horrible when people raise their children here. My strong connection to nature was born when I was a kid. At the time I learned to watch deeper to it’s core and also to my core. Are these kids going to be rootless, are they ever going to make that connection?

I couldn’t say that I feel very safe here either. I don’t like to be out at night, because  different types of harrassment are quite common. I’ve been followed to my home and sometimes some quys make unpleasant commets about my appearance and don’t leave me alone. I have nothing against nice people who just want to talk, but I hate it how some guys look me as if I was a piece of meat. Usually they are immigrants, but sometimes I’ve been bothered by finnish men too.

Of course there’s always some positive things. I actually met some interesting people here. Funny thing is that most of them also want to move away from here. And of course there are some nice events, but it isn’t impossible to visit them even if you live elsewhere. And I must admit that good book or just some regular meeting with friends are usually a better option.

Fortunetaly, my studies are over in a year or two. Then I could leave this horrible city behind and find my peace once again. That’s why I haven’t fallen into a depression: I know future will be brighter. Someday all this will be just a blurry nightmare from some other life.


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